Men's Timeless Hairstyles
By Jane Bovary
Does hair maketh the man...?
It is an oft quoted maxim that 'clothes maketh the man' -if this is true, (and it's by no means certain that it is) then how about the hair? Can a man be truly made parading about in today's fashionable outfit but with yesterday's hair? If not, why do so many highly successful men have such very bad hair?
Whatever the answer, there are some tenacious hair styles that seem firmly cemented in the pantheon of male hairstyles and while they may be worn only by a small but brave minority who refuse to cowtow to the winds of stylistic change..it is enough to guard these classics against fashion extinction.
These are the timeless men's hairstyles....
The Eternal Comb-over
Wherever there is male pattern baldness, there will be comb-overs. While some are more successful than others, the general effect of a standard comb-over is to draw attention to the very thing the wearers are desperating trying to conceal.
Comb-over wearers are often strong-willed types who insist on sticking to their guns and asserting their own opinions, despite professional advice and a truck-load of evidence to the contrary.
This
is possibly the most stressful of all timeless styles to adopt, as
wearers live in fear and must be constantly vigilant against strong
headwinds that can ruffle the carefully placed strands of hair and
expose the naked truth.
Comb-over fans can often be found in occupations like politics, banking, financing, serial killing, newsagency proprietor, tobacconist, web writer and sex-aid store owner/manager.
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The Presenter
Less a hairstyle and more an architectural construction, The Presenter is a 20th century phenomenum born of the televison studio and the need for extreme neatness and non-confrontational conservatism but with a hint of up-to-the-minute grooviness.
This style gained momentum in the 70's when it moved out of the TV studio and into the mainstream population...helped along by the invention of 'dry look' hair product and aviator sunglasses.
The Presenter remains popular with real estate agents, car salesmen and of course, television presenters.
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Skyhooks...'I'm Living in the Seventies'
The Neil
So called because it was worn to such memorable effect by Neil, a character in British TV cult show The Young Ones and also sported in the seventies by music icon, Neil Young. Often worn with loose, flowing clothes and and a superficially easy going attitude, the Neil has an almost religious aura to it, with an attendant halo easily imagined, if not actual.
The purity and simplicity of the style demands that nothing be done to the hair at all..no gel, no hint of a stylistic element...only the natural growth of the hair is to be revealed.
Warn by hermits, primitive man and others who have eschewed societal mores since time immemorial, The Neil reached its zenith in the early 70's, but still remains popular among a certain ilk. It is, in it's way a classic and deserves a place among the timeless.
Although often unemployed, living in the woods or perpetual students, Neil wearers have been known to work in occupations involving music, art, cult leadership, philosophy, blogging and sex-aid retailing.
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The Fop
The fop is a classic style favoured by the dandy...the male peacock among us. Fop wearers enjoy strutting, preening and particularly hair flicking, so a clump of hair must always be available on one side of the forehead for this purpose.
The fop has appeared in various guises for hundreds of years, dating back to renaissance Italy where gangs of youths would sport a 'quiff', a (along fringe) through to the pompadours of the British Teddy Boys and more recently, 80's pyschobilly bands. A gravity-defying version of the 'quiff' was reninvented in the late 90's which featured a vertical high rise stiff fringe.
Although the quiff does not generally allow for hair flicking it can be even more attention grabbing than the traditional fop. The fop is worn almost exclusively by those in the entertainment industry or those who could have been in the entertainment industry, if only their lives hadn't turned out to be such a bitter dissapointment.
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The Mullet
I know what you're thinking...the mullet is long dead right? No, I'm afraid that was just wishful wishing. The mullet is in fact a kind of inverted fop and is still favoured by a section of the male population, despite being mercilessly parodied in popular culture.
Like the fop wearer, the mullet fan has a flamboyant streak and enjoys attention but cringes somewhat at the idea of effeminite foppishness.
Conscious of wanting to appear macho, while at the same time seeking attention, the mullet wearer chooses to position his clump of excess hair at the back of the neck, thus avoiding any unnecessary flicking and fidgeting.This style is sometimes combined with excessive tattoos, often homemade or done by a prison inmate, for extra decorative effect
When not chronically unemployed, mullet wearers tend to gravitate toward the more manly professions such as trades, wrestling, amateur magician, professional criminal and nightclub security guard.
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The Metal
The Metal is an extravagant combination of Fop and Mullet and is generally only adopted by a small minority of individuals who may be conflicted, angry and wild or merely pretending to be conficted, angry and wild. It's essential that this style be worn with a lion-like pride, as any hint of timid self-consciousness will completely destroy the effect.
Often Metal wearers will form packs, adopting a musical instrument/phallic symbol to enhance their persona. In his excellent work, The Fop from a Freudian Perspective, clinical psychologist Dr Ernst Frith, discusses the sexual implications of the style:
The underlying sexual conflict found in the Fop can be further analysed through the more extreme version of the style we find in the Metal. The Metal is really a manifestation of a primitive urge to display one's sexuality through hair height and width; thus the extremely tight pants of the Metal wearer signify a metaphorical squeezing of the genital area up through the body to explode symbolically through the top of the head. They are in effect, wearing their sexuality as a kind of crown.
P 32.
Although this kind of hair reached a popularity peak in 1980's - the decade of *big hair*, there are still devotees of the style around today. Metal wearers are found almost exclusively in occupations involving strutting, preening, leaping and gyrating...even if it's only in front of their own bedroom mirror and a few close friends.
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The Macho
The Macho, also known as the crew, buzz, shave or clipper is ostensibly for the man who's too busy to care about hair. This is a no-fuss-no-mess style that requires little or no maintenance, except that it does need frequent clipping or shaving.
A handy solution for men who are balding and don't want to go the comb-over route, it's a style also favoured by the military, the rugged, the ultra-hip, those seeking world domination and religious sects.
"Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?"
-St. Paul, 1 Corinthians 11:14
For "disturbingly healthy hair"..a li'l dab 'ill do ya
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Sources
Professor I.M. Balding, A History of Male Hair in the Light of Style as a Social Construct Within the Decaying White Hegemony of the Twentieth and Twenty-First Centuries, Fokk University Press, 2003
Green, Sally, Perfomance Art and the Comb-over, Murdoch Press, 2010
Thick, Paul, My Mullet and I: A Personal Journey, Graveyard Press, 2009
Dr. Ernst Frith, The Fop from a Freudian Perspective, Ch. 5, Fokk University Press, 1968
Dr. Ernst Frith, Hair Envy, Fokk University Press, 1972
Carter, Osmond , The Return of the Neil in the Information Age, Vanity Publishing, 2007
What is your Favourite Timeless Style?
See results without votingComments
Epi, ah yes Travis. So many timeless styles, so little room. Thanks a heap for the comment...haha. Your toupee is undetectable! (love to see you in a Beatle wig though)
Oh my I just couldn't choose. I like the current hairstyles for men. Your timeless mens hairstyles is amazing thanks. :)
It's a hard decision, I know. Thanks for reading Katie!
Jane - you are too much. It wasn't enough that you had me laughing all the way through with those crazy hair style photos and funny designations, but when I got to the sources that's when I really cracked up. My shrieks of laughter were heard from Key West to Jacksonville, Florida.
Three credits to Fokk University Press? I'm loving it. And a link, too.
My cup runneth over girlfriend. Thank you, Fokk U.
Hey, Jane! I love this hub it is very fascinating and I enjoyed laughing too! You never fail to amaze and amuse me! See you around! =)
drbj, of course I had to make use of Fokk's extensive research library..haha. Thanks for the great comment.
Oh and Fokk-U too!
DjBryle,
To amaze and amuse is my life's ambition! Heh, seriously, thanks very much for taking the time to read and comment.I really do appreciate it.
Interesting.
People of your generation may not remember the origins of the so-called Neil. From the mid-sixties and throughout most of the '70s men wore long hair in protest of the Vietnam War. Military types went in for the crew cut which was and is very short. It was insisted upon when you joined or was drafted into one of the armed services so the complete opposite, long hair, became a Hippy statement. Don't forget Jesus had long hair and he's regarded as a peace-monger. Ever seen the stage musical HAIR? Great stuff. The movie Hair is okay but a bit lackluster.
I had long hair up until the '90s. Now it is short. I do however remember the days of long hair with fondness.
I am a bit like uncle fester nowadays but that's okay. Uncle fester was always my favorite of the male Adams members with Morticia with her Cleopatra plant being so sweet and most definitely my favorite femme fatale with Wednesday squeaking in a close second.
The fop is just plain silly. As for the comb-over, I once came across a guy who painted the back of his head black to cover up his baldness. It didn't work.
If you are going bald do it gracefully. Join the ranks of Gary Sweet and Clint Eastward. There are a lot of popular male actors women dig that are a bit thin on top. I say that if the women don't mind why should the men who are going thin? Bruce Willis seems to get the gals without resorting to a wig or a hopeless comb-over.
I don't want to know the presenter unless knowing comes with a 007 license and a fully loaded sniper rifle.
I like the Brylcream add. I remember using the stuff when I was ten.
That is to say Clint Eastwood not Clint Eastward. A slip of the keys there. Sorry about that chief.
Lol Rod...or should I say Fester? Haha.
I loved your comment. I'm trying to visualise that guy with the back of his head painted black. NOT a good idea. Nothing wrong with a bald head anyway..it can look good; there's a certain virility about it.
I'm not as young as you think I am because I have heard of hippy hair, Vietnam and Hair the musical. The hub was just a bit of silliness. I do mention JC, under the photo caption and yes, there could well be a connection there between the development of the style in the late 60's and Jesus's peace image.
I'm not surprised you're keen on Morticia...she's got that Goth look you like. Wednesday was pretty adorable...a mini-Morticia.The Presenter is probably the worst of the lot or at least the most boring. Too 'safe'.
Cheers and thanks for the great comment.
You are welcome.
Yes you do mention JC. My bad as they say.
I really hated the presenter involved with The Golden Years of Television. He managed to pick out the worst examples of great shows. Can you imagine an episode of Zorro without daring-do fencing? Pretty lame. I was crest fallen. And I believe that this was the guy who hated The Samurai, one of my favorite shows growing up. He may even have been the twit responsible for the worst interview I have ever seen.
Yes Morticia was pretty hot in basic black. She could steam my glasses.
I agree with the comment about "going bald gracefully."
I must ask, though, is it better to lose one's hair gradually or to shave your head when you start losing significant amounts?
That is a tough one Drums.
I prefer the Clint Eastwood/ Gary Sweet way of doing things. In other words, keep what you have neat and let nature decide on how much hair you should have.
If you are military I reckon maybe the all off and no mucking about look would be okay. The guy in the cop show The Shield looks fine without hair.
If you are a drummer for a punk band, a Heavy Metal band, or a Goth band then I suppose all off and no mucking about could work out to be a great idea.
What's this? Bald talk in my hub? Personally I think really thinning hair looks better cut short...although I do like Bill Bailey's hair (Black Books) I'm just glad it's not something I have to deal with (touch wood).
I missed the Golden Years of Television Rod..who was the host? Lol @ the Mortica comment.
You are right Jane about thinning hair being cut short looking better. I would say cut neat. In any case that is what the thinning male stars do and it is good enough for me. Mind you I have seen some interesting Gothic tats on bald heads.
I can't remember the host's name but I wished at the time that his selection of episodes of old television shows was a bit better. Zorro not using his sword and even resorting to a gun?! NOT GOOD. The actor who played Zorro went on to play the leader of the Robinson family in Lost in Space. Still a decade or more after Zorro had been canceled he was holidaying in Mexico and he found himself mobbed by children and other locals eager for his autograph and also eager to see him show off his fencing skills. I can't really blame them.
There is the pilot episode of The Samurai in which Shintaro uses a revolver. It was not a popular idea among the Japanese and in the show that eventuated he only ever used star knives and swords. I am certain that if that host had shown The Samurai it would have been that terrible pilot episode. As a kid I wanted to see Shintaro live and in action. He came to Australia to put on a live show but my parents couldn't afford for us to go see it. A great pity. I still have my collection of Samurai cards from that period.
Yes Morticia was really something. I am checking out my collection of episodes from the Addams Family television show for Halloween. Us Uncle Festers have got to stick together.
Rod, Zorro is not Zorro without the swashbuckling, that's true. I've never watched The Samurai but what's the point of that rich Samurai history if he's going to use a gun? Might as well just be another cop show.
See you later Fester..:)
Wow, why did you make me choose Jane? Had to go with the Neil, though it was a tough one between that and the Fop. I went with my tertiary instinct, my first was the Fop, my second the Macho. All three hair styles that I have donned. Maybe my most exotic was when I bleached my 10 inch long hair paper white, shaved all of it except for a one inch patch I kept asymmetrical and dyed bright blue. It was punk rock heaven to be sure.
Also, in the States, we say mullets are business in the front and party in the back, haha! Great analysis and an entertaining outlook. I especially enjoyed the employment (or lack thereof) comparison, hilarious!
Lol Ben..those hairstyles of yours sound really out here.I would have loved to have seen that one inch dyed patch.
Love the mullet saying..haha.
Still grinning at the hub article Jane, I am a Cancer on the cusp of Leo after all so we gravitate towards strange hair things, ;o)
Ben
Well that explains everything...! Strange hair things ARE fascinating. I just sent you an email about the RTA.
The 80's hair band that you do not know the name of is RATT. :)
Thanks SoonerGurl...I'd given up on getting an answer to that.
epigramman 18 months ago
....I know I've said this before to other people (but they're now dead) but this is my favorite hub of all time - you are a genius from down under and over above !!!! I never laughed so hard in my life - and don't look too close at my profile picture - it's a toupee because I couldn't find my Beatle wig - lol lol -
....thanks so much for your time , your effort and your homework on this one - god bless you Dame Jane for this one!!!!! But where is Travis Bickle aka Taxi Driver????